College Essay
There are
many stresses in the world that takes me out of life but one place always puts
me back in. There’s something about
shoes stomping on the black top court, the bouncing of balls, laughter of
friends, and the sweat on my forehead from shooting a ball just puts me at
ease. This place is Park and Ride
basketball court. It is only one mile
away from my house so when I get frustrated from any problem I walk down
they’re alone and forget about everything by shooting my problems away.
This place
is special to me because it is always in arms reach. Also it always creates a fun and happy
environment. So whenever I go there I
always come home happy. Whenever I shoot
a basketball there its like a problem goes into the basket and falls to the
ground.
The first
time I went there I knew this was a great place to be. I liked how it was it was relaxing and very
green. It was bursting with life I knew
that I would have good memories there.
Knowing that I started to play basketball with my friends there and
magically the court created good times and made me happy. Which made it special and made me calm.
I remember
the first time I went there when I was frustrated. That day was going well until my sister
started to get mad at me. But I didn’t
know why she got mad at me. So I got
really frustrated and stormed out of my house with a basketball in my hands
because I knew exactly where I wanted to go because the court is a place that
always relaxed me. So I continued out
the garage into the street. I was so
enraged when I was walking down I was talking to myself. But after 15 minutes I made it to the
park. I looked around and started to
calm down. The sun on my face, the wind
rustling through trees, and the beautiful view of the sun touching the horizon,
which helped me, let go a little bit. Then
I walked in and found a court in the front.
After a while of watching other guys play an intense game. I started to shoot my ball. As I let the first one go I started to relax
and let go. After about 100 shots I got
bored and started to walk around. Just
the beautiful scenery was making me happy.
There’s also Dog Park that is near so watching the dogs made me
happier. Then completely happy and forgetting
why I was mad I went home when my mom arrived.
That is why
Park and Ride is special and always makes me perfectly content because of the
scenery and all the happy people around.
So that’s why when I am upset I always go there.
I NEED TO KNOW THE PROMPT YOU ARE ANSWERING, MAKE SURE YOU POST THE PROMPT AT THE TOP. YOU NEED TO TELL US WHAT STRESSES IN LIFE MAKE YOU RESORT TO THE COURT AND WHAT PARK AND RIDE ACTUALLY IS MAYBE PARK AND RIDE RECREATION AREA WITH BASKETBALL COURTS, FIELD ETC. ALSO BE CAREFUL WITH THE WORDS YOU USE "ITS IN AN ARM'S REACH" BUT JUST EARLIER YOU SAID YOU WALK TO THE COURT SO ITS ACTUALLY NOT AN ARM'S REACH AWAY. AND PLEASE TELL US WHAT ABOUT PLAYING AT THE COURT MAKES YOU AT SUCH EASE COMPARED TO EVERYTHING ELSE WHAT ABOUT SHOOTING MAKES YOU RELAXED. EXPLAIN. AS(2)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing your prompt is about a certain place that's special to you, but I wouldn't know that for sure. Please post your prompt sometime c: Also, when writing, you seem monotone, almost robotic. Not what you wrote, but how you write it. There are barely any periods to break up sentences, even though most are short and to the point. The essay itself is a lacking a bit in interest, not the content. Maybe loosen up a bit?
ReplyDeleteWhen you talked about your sister, that's one source of stress, but what about the others you mentioned in the beginning? It might help lead into the next part of your essay. But I understand what you're trying to convey overall; good job c:
I like how throughout your essay, you're making yourself a little vulnerable by telling what stresses/frustrates you. But maybe you should be a little more specific as to how it all connects and how the court effects you. Also, the essay lacks a little bit of flavor, it sounds a bit monotone (as Tiffany was saying). Include some of that class clown vibe you always have in class. :)
ReplyDelete