Dear Department of Education,
I
appreciate how exceptional you have made Hawaii public schools in the past few
years that you have been governor. You
have made the schools have amazing teacher and made it look wonderful. This has improved my grades and made me able
to prepare for my future well. Thank
you.
Although
the schools look wonderful and have amazing staff. I would like you to do your best to find
money in our state budget to put computers in every classroom. I think that it will help student stimulate
learning in a new modern world. It will
also help students do research, write essays, and be better with
technology. It will also let us adapt to
the new work place with computers and now tablets. In my own personal experience I tend to do
better in the classes that have computers because it helps me find information
for my projects or work. It also teaches
you how to make presentations more professional. How to make essays look better. It also makes learning more fun. It lets teachers also do more diverse things
than without computers.
So
I would like you to spare some of your budget to put in computers in every
class room or at least put in majority of classrooms. It will help my education be fun and I will
do better in school.
You need to take your time and read over and redo your letter. There contains many grammatical and tense use errors. You need to be more specific in your intro instead of just saying "make it look wonderful" or "improved my grades" that is what schools are supposed to do. You also are missing research, you need to find why they can't put computers in every classroom, or what the budget is, etc. Without the research your argument is very weak. Your reasons also very wanting computers also need to be supported by research that you find. Please make the changes. AS(1)
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